How to keep balance in life in order to avoid aggression - Happiness Academy
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How to keep balance in life in order to avoid aggression

How to keep balance in life in order to avoid aggression
15 October, 2018
Balance is not a static situation, but a constant movement in the direction that leads to health and happiness. Maintaining balance is both art and science. In order to have a good indication of what is useful to us, it is important to keep an eye on the phenomena scientists have discovered about physical and emotional health. On the other hand, in order to be able to apply the acquired knowledge, we need to have experience and focus on the goal - maintaining the balance, the gold middle. And gradually, equipped with good awareness and readiness for change (in habits, environment, priorities), we will gain a sense of what to choose at any particular moment like behaviour, reaction and direction of development.

Whether you or some of your loved ones lack balance, you can understand by various signs, but one of the sure ones is the accumulation of aggression and its expression either with outbursts or with passive-aggressive reactions or self-aggression (destructive self-criticism, lack of self-esteem, feeling guilt for things you are not responsible for or living in self-pity).

Each of these manifestations of unhealthy aggression has a negative effect on your health and relationships with the most important for you. And instead of becoming aware of this fact as another cause for clumping and/or pouring aggression, take it as a "sign of your life" that you have moved away from the balance in some area.

Take a look at every aspect of your life and identify what needs to be repaired and what – to be replaced. Take it as a challenge and feel the excitement of the changes you will take. Your adventure is coming - the beginning of a new chapter in the book of your life!

First aspect - physical health

The relationship between the body and the psyche has long been established. Brain studies that examine how a person reacts with irritants in the middle clearly indicate that there are preconditions that determine how much a person will cope with a certain emotion - whether it will express it in a healthy way, or whether it will conquer it completely and will become one of the manifestations of unhealthy aggression.

These prerequisites are largely related to our physical condition just before the onset of the emotional episode (situation) or within a few days/weeks before the event occurs. The physical condition depends directly on the quality of the sleep and the food we provide to our body. If a person sleeps the night before much less than necessary, he will be more prone to irritation or strong anger, and the intensity of his emotion will be inconsistent with the stimulus. The same is true for a person who has not satisfied his body's need for quality food by having missed one or two meals, and the hunger keeps him in a state of "worry." Then even one generally irrelevant stimulus can cause a very stormy emotional episode.

If we want to have a balanced lifestyle, it is important to feel our body and not to ignore its signals of fatigue and hunger. If we meet our needs for quality food, sleep and movement, we will have eliminated one of the prerequisites for aggression.

Second aspect - internal attitudes

Our inner mind-set is the map we use to navigate in any situation. But imagine the map is obsolete and has not been updated for a very long time, actually not since our childhood. Then we will not have a clear reference to what is happening, and we will always try to put it into one of the frames we have built up as children. We will miss seeing some details of the situation, or we will exaggerate the meaning of just one detail that reminds us of something familiar.

In order to be able to upgrade our map, we must first move from Autopilot mode to Conscious mode.

It is important to ask ourselves the questions: "How do I feel in this situation?", "When have I felt like that in my past?", "What is the outcome of my usual reaction?", "What else can I try in order to achieve a better result?”

In order to be able to answer these questions and to have a more objective view on things, it is necessary to broaden our horizons. If we have seen things through a narrow filter (by habit), when we start looking for information about personal development and emotional intelligence, we can find a whole range of new responses and approaches to a given situation. Books, trainings and workshops dedicated to these topics are valuable tools for extending our horizons and editing the map we have.

Some of the main internal attitudes that lead to balance are:

"Everyone does the best they can at the current moment of their lives."

When you experience frustration or anger over someone's action, consider what it would be good to do - talk to him, distance himself from him if he refuses to take responsibility for his behaviour, and so on. Then, in order to free yourself from emotion, not to get into your mind what he has done and not to accumulate aggression, remember that everyone does the best they can according to their level of awareness and their momentary state. If you are the one who is wrong, also remember the above mentioned and do the necessary to correct your mistake.

"Each situation has the ability to teach a valuable lesson." Ask yourself the question: "What's the lesson in this?" And write your answer in a notebook or file. You often re-read the things you've written in the diary or the "Life Lessons" file.

"Everyone sees a situation from a different angle." To understand better the other person, close your eyes and mentally stand in his position. How do you feel? What do you need? Now go back to the first position, and ask yourself if anything has changed in your attitude to the situation after you've seen it through the other person's eyes.

My honest "no," said in a timely and well-meaning manner, is 100 times better than "yes" for fear of rejection or a sense of inconvenience. Putting healthy borders is an essential part of a balanced lifestyle. When you are honest with yourself and others and act, driven by love and respect for yourself, then you make decisions which are best for you and for the situation. If your refusal is not drawn by your ego or stubbornness, it is a reasonable move to save your energy and resources for important goals and activities. Defending what you think is good and healthy in an open and arguable way is effective prevention against the build-up of aggression in you and prevention against false positives and misunderstandings in relationships.

"I regularly put my feet on the bare ground, practice a self-awareness of the present, cultivate a sense of gratitude in myself and create joy." Walking and picnics in nature purify the mind and bring a sense of stability and "grounding". Training the mind to stay at the moment instead of moving to the past or the future as we walk or do some other activity also helps us balance ourselves. This is how we connect with our inner centre and become aware of the fact that we are alive and that we have the chance to face the day, to leave a positive trace of our actions, to contribute something good to our lives and to the lives of other people. Then we begin to experience gratitude and happiness.

And as we start listening to our favourite music regularly, dancing and singing at home, then we celebrate life! We recharge ourselves with life energy! Everything that feeds our soul with a sense of meaning and personal development balances and inspires us. Those can be participation in trainings, cultural events, festivals, theatrical productions, sports activities, meetings with friends with whom our communication is complete ...

"Caring for myself, I care about the people around me! Because that is how I inspire and give a good and healthy example to others what self-esteem is in action! " 

Regularly read articles, passages of books and quotes from people who motivate you and help you lead a balanced lifestyle. Put such messages on tea cups at home and in the office, on the wall like posters, on the computer desktop and stickers in the car. Create space for the thoughts and actions that lead you in the direction of inner balance and happiness!


Author: Maria Vassileva Dimitrova
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